diff --git a/external/solanaceae_contact b/external/solanaceae_contact
index e4027167..7710da6c 160000
--- a/external/solanaceae_contact
+++ b/external/solanaceae_contact
@@ -1 +1 @@
-Subproject commit e40271670b4df96a8d02f32a1ba61a838419db48
+Subproject commit 7710da6c89f975d7bf34efae340232fdb9a705a5
diff --git a/external/solanaceae_tox b/external/solanaceae_tox
index 25857b8a..1d724ef9 160000
--- a/external/solanaceae_tox
+++ b/external/solanaceae_tox
@@ -1 +1 @@
-Subproject commit 25857b8aa781391ea0a1ce64bcf73a63304fd696
+Subproject commit 1d724ef95146f2588de4bd34ffacff2244c4d68f
diff --git a/src/chat_gui4.cpp b/src/chat_gui4.cpp
index 1fc847be..311f3a5e 100644
--- a/src/chat_gui4.cpp
+++ b/src/chat_gui4.cpp
@@ -197,9 +197,10 @@ float ChatGui4::render(float time_delta) {
 				sub_contacts = &_cr.get<Contact::Components::ParentOf>(*_selected_contact).subs;
 			}
 
+			const bool highlight_private {!_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagPrivate>(*_selected_contact)};
+
 			if (ImGui::BeginChild(chat_label.c_str(), {0, 0}, true)) {
-				//if (_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::ParentOf>(*_selected_contact)) {
-				if (sub_contacts != nullptr) {
+				if (sub_contacts != nullptr && !_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagPrivate>(*_selected_contact) && _cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagGroup>(*_selected_contact)) {
 					if (!sub_contacts->empty()) {
 						if (ImGui::BeginChild("subcontacts", {150, -100}, true)) {
 							ImGui::Text("subs: %zu", sub_contacts->size());
@@ -417,7 +418,7 @@ float ChatGui4::render(float time_delta) {
 								std::optional<ImVec4> row_bg;
 
 								// private group message
-								if (_cr.any_of<Contact::Components::TagSelfWeak, Contact::Components::TagSelfStrong>(c_to.c)) {
+								if (highlight_private && _cr.any_of<Contact::Components::TagSelfWeak, Contact::Components::TagSelfStrong>(c_to.c)) {
 									const ImVec4 priv_msg_hi_col = ImVec4(0.5f, 0.2f, 0.5f, 0.35f);
 									ImU32 row_bg_color = ImGui::GetColorU32(priv_msg_hi_col);
 									ImGui::TableSetBgColor(ImGuiTableBgTarget_RowBg1, row_bg_color);
@@ -456,7 +457,10 @@ float ChatGui4::render(float time_delta) {
 							if (ImGui::TableNextColumn()) {
 								// TODO: theming for hardcoded values
 
-								if (msg_reg.all_of<Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived>(e)) {
+								if (!msg_reg.all_of<Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived>(e)) {
+									// TODO: dedup?
+									ImGui::TextDisabled("_");
+								} else {
 									const auto list = msg_reg.get<Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived>(e).ts;
 									// wrongly assumes contacts never get removed from a group
 									if (sub_contacts != nullptr && list.size() < sub_contacts->size()) {
@@ -471,6 +475,7 @@ float ChatGui4::render(float time_delta) {
 										std::string synced_by_text {"delivery confirmed by:"};
 										const int64_t now_ts_s = int64_t(Message::getTimeMS() / 1000u);
 
+										size_t other_contacts {0};
 										for (const auto& [c, syned_ts] : list) {
 											if (_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagSelfStrong>(c)) {
 												//synced_by_text += "\n sself(!)"; // makes no sense
@@ -480,16 +485,19 @@ float ChatGui4::render(float time_delta) {
 											} else {
 												synced_by_text += "\n >" + (_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::Name>(c) ? _cr.get<Contact::Components::Name>(c).name : "<unk>");
 											}
+											other_contacts += 1;
 											const int64_t seconds_ago = (int64_t(syned_ts / 1000u) - now_ts_s) * -1;
 											synced_by_text += " (" + std::to_string(seconds_ago) + "sec ago)";
 										}
 
-										ImGui::Text("%s", synced_by_text.c_str());
+										if (other_contacts > 0) {
+											ImGui::Text("%s", synced_by_text.c_str());
+										} else {
+											ImGui::TextUnformatted("no delivery confirmation");
+										}
 
 										ImGui::EndTooltip();
 									}
-								} else {
-									ImGui::TextDisabled("_");
 								}
 
 								ImGui::SameLine();
@@ -1051,7 +1059,7 @@ void ChatGui4::renderMessageExtra(Message3Registry& reg, const Message3 e) {
 
 		for (const auto& [c, syned_ts] : reg.get<Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived>(e).ts) {
 			if (_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagSelfStrong>(c)) {
-				synced_by_text += "\n sself(!)"; // makes no sense
+				synced_by_text += "\n sself"; // required (except when synced externally)
 			} else if (_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::TagSelfWeak>(c)) {
 				synced_by_text += "\n wself";
 			} else {
diff --git a/src/tox_friend_faux_offline_messaging.cpp b/src/tox_friend_faux_offline_messaging.cpp
index 4397bf7d..1ca5b181 100644
--- a/src/tox_friend_faux_offline_messaging.cpp
+++ b/src/tox_friend_faux_offline_messaging.cpp
@@ -107,6 +107,12 @@ ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::dfmc_Ret ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::doFriendM
 
 	const uint64_t ts_now = Message::getTimeMS();
 
+	if (!_cr.all_of<Contact::Components::Self>(c)) {
+		return dfmc_Ret::NO_MSG; // error
+	}
+
+	const auto self_c = _cr.get<Contact::Components::Self>(c).self;
+
 	// filter for unconfirmed messages
 
 	// we assume sorted
@@ -127,9 +133,8 @@ ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::dfmc_Ret ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::doFriendM
 			continue; // skip
 		}
 
-		// exclude
-		if (mr->any_of<
-				Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived // this acts like a tag, which is wrong in groups
+		if (!mr->any_of<
+				Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived
 			>(msg)
 		) {
 			continue; // skip
@@ -139,6 +144,16 @@ ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::dfmc_Ret ToxFriendFauxOfflineMessaging::doFriendM
 			continue; // not outbound (in private)
 		}
 
+		const auto& ts_received = mr->get<Message::Components::Remote::TimestampReceived>(msg).ts;
+		// not target
+		if (ts_received.contains(c)) {
+			continue;
+		}
+		// needs to contain self
+		if (!ts_received.contains(self_c)) {
+			continue;
+		}
+
 		valid_unsent = true;
 
 		uint64_t msg_ts = msg_view.get<Message::Components::Timestamp>(msg).ts;